Merry Christmas 2009 Happy Holidays

As most of you will know, this is a first! I can’t recall the last time I managed to get this note out BEFORE Christmas; before children perhaps? Regardless, maybe it’s the start of something new….but don’t count on it! I just have so many things that I want to make sure that I get done over the next two weeks, like having fun with the kids, going to movies, skating at Market Square, redecorating the office, writing a business plan, getting rid of the piles of paper…that I wanted to get this in while life at work has slowed.

Twice recently, I have heard criticism of these ‘newsletter’ type letters that some of us send over the holiday season. On the talk show, The View, Whoopi was criticizing them for their lack of personal touch, and a friend once said that they were ‘brag letters’ because no one ever tells you anything bad in them. Both fair criticisms however I would add four things to their cynical views: 1. It’s better than nothing at all, which is what you’d get if I had to write you each even a paragraph 2. It’s much more rewarding for me, as I only write things once, hopefully well, versus over and over dozens of times, in a scribbled hand writing 3. You get a few pictures and get to share in our life a little, in an era of poor communication among friends across the miles and 4. I get to reflect on the past year with gratitude for being alive and to tell you that if you get this letter, you are important to me in one way or another, for which I am also grateful.

Since I’ve thought for days about how I’d phrase the ‘bad’ news in our life this year, I might just as well tell those of you who do not know yet, that Scott and I separated this past winter. Given that this is never an easy transition for anyone involved, all of us have had many moments of sadness and loneliness over the past 10 months. It has been a huge transition, and we all seem to be on the downhill slope at this stage. We’ve never been “normal” in many ways, starting with the obvious, and as such, our lives apart have been unusually amicable, as we tread the winding road of being friends but not lovers, with the boys as our compass. Sadly perhaps, in being apart, we will learn the mutual respect that we had trouble rediscovering in marriage.

This Christmas, the four of us will be with my mother, as well as my best friend and her son, in the country, for a fairly non-traditional festive meal of cabbage rolls, perogies, baked beans and ham. My father will travel to Rhode Island to be with sister and family, who welcomed a new baby into their lives on December 16th. Matthew weighed 9 lbs and didn’t take long to enter this world! At some point, in a window of good weather through Syracuse, I will head down for the New Year, to visit with him and Rachel for a few days.
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As for holidays, we managed to get a few in together at the beginning of the year, firstly to Orlando via New York City (of which I spoke in last year’s note), and then skiing in Maine. In May, I was invited to travel to Ireland, to meet up with a friend who was adjudicating at the Cork International Choral Festival and spent my time there, as well as in a cottage in Waterville and in Dublin. The weather, outside of my time in Dublin, was miserable! The Irish don’t believe in heat the way we do in Canada, and much of the time, I had that ‘chilled to the bone’ feeling, regardless of whether I was outside or inside the cottage. Then there’s the driving! By the time I returned to Dublin, I’d eaten most of my stomach and was a bundle of nerves. Go, drive around the Ring of Kerry or across the Conor Pass, you’ll understand! On the bright side, the music in Cork was the sort that ‘blows your mind’. Although our children sing in one of the best choral music education programs in the country, I was astounded at the calibre of youth singing on the international stage. No matter what we do in life, there is always more to aspire towards. Dublin is a beautiful city, with a thriving Arts community, and talented musicians at every corner. And then there’s the people….if you’ve ever been, you will also understand. They’re like our Newfies, friendly beyond belief, hilarious and just so down-to-earth that they make you feel instantly comfortable in a bar or in a taxi or at the gallery.

By far, the most interesting part of the trip for me was the people. And in fact, not just the Irish people, but tourists as well. Over the months, I’ve reflected on the conversations and interactions that I had, in so many places, with much fondness. I have a few new Facebook friends from around the world, all of whom I have much in common with. I’ve also decided that they definitely have THE FRIENDLIEST cab drivers ever! I heard stories about their children, the Christian Brothers, a man who’s wife died of a brain aneurism and left him to raise the children, one just an infant, friends travelling to Canada to teach who got pregnant and are now living at home again, and the ever-popular topics of weather and politics. Wow, don’t get them started on politics! If you love classical music, tune into RTE lyricfm, if you want to hear lots of people arguing over the waves, tune into RTE Radio 1! At least that’s the way it was at Pete’s Café where we drank tea, ate scones, and shivered while surfing the net, chatting on messenger, and trying, in vain, to download our pictures!

Over the summer, Scott went camping and boating with the boys, from Kingston to Ottawa, on the newly anointed World Heritage Site, The Rideau Canal. They all connected with nature, and then the boys did a road trip with me to Mystic, Connecticut for a little getaway and a family reunion in Newport, Rhode Island during the Jazz Festival. Both are beautiful communities, but the boats in Newport will blow your mind, even if, like me normally, you couldn’t care less. Before the summer was over, we’d spent two weeks with a Spanish exchange student, and had lots of fun on the knee board.

In particular, this fall has gone by very quickly, in large part because I have been really busy between the boys, work, and travelling for business (Banff, Toronto, Ottawa) and volunteering. My commitment as Chair at church is mostly over. I found this role to be less than meaningful, to say the very least. It was an experience, and I will learn and grow from it; sometimes, when you are at the top, it can be very lonely. On the other hand, my commitment to Cantabile is always rewarding, so Hey, I won’t despair just yet. I will however, need someone…..or two or three…….to wrap my knuckles if I get myself overloaded like that again. Problem is that I can’t help myself: I already know what the next commitment is going to be, and Ben and I have begun to discuss a trip to Africa at Christmas next year to work in an orphanage and school, in a country where the life expectancy is 29 due to AIDS! With that one though, we go, we give our time, and we leave, forever changed. So on all fronts, it should be meaningful. (I suspect that next year, you’ll be getting the New Year letter again!)

The boys are both doing very well. Graham is in grade 8, and active in the Drama Club, as well as basketball, volleyball and soccer teams. He continues to sing in Scott’s choir weekly at church. Following on the heels of winning the Drama Award last June, for his personal project this year, he has decided to write, direct and star in his own play. This will take him the full academic year to accomplish and forms a very important part of the curriculum at his school. He will be taking the odd lesson from our friend Rob, at the Canadian Stage Company, and if he twists my arm just a little, we may have to go see a play in NYC again this year. (Oh ya, I snuck in two trips there this year too!)

Ben is in grade 10 and has graduated into the new Sound Man at KCVI. He gets to run the mics and play DJ at the semi-formals and coffee houses. After 11 years studying violin, he decided that guitar is his new love. We trust that the years of musical training will serve him well in his musical life. His artistic side has him excelling in graphic design and marketing courses, and putting up with math and history! After a highly successful winter last year, he plans to ski for the varsity team in January and row in the spring. Last spring, he had an amazing opportunity to work with the sound company that participated in the launch of The Tragically Hip’s new album in Cineplexes across the country, and with our man George Snufalufagus from CBCs The Hour! (Sorry, that’s just what I call him!)

Because this is a letter about being honest, and not just mentioning the good stuff: I could wring their necks some days! They get mouthy, fart, burp, swear, sneak laptops into their room to get on Facebook at bed times, have parties when you’re away, lie, roll their eyes at you and look at you like you’re Medusa, and have that ‘what the hell do you know anyhow’ or ‘you’re so lame’ look on their face. So things are pretty normal in our house, I figure! Some days can be pretty frustrating, no doubt. But I know, because I’m their mom, and I can see into their souls by way of their eyes, that they will be good citizens of the world, who will love their parents and be good parents themselves, who will appreciate all the wonderful opportunities that they’ve been given, and who will treat others with dignity and respect and will find what makes them happy. (At least, I’m pretty sure.)

All of us wish you and your clan the very best in 2010. May you seek meaning and purpose always, and ensure that you spend your days doing what you love to do, as long as it puts food on the table, clothes on your back and keeps the hearth warm and toasty!

Hugs and Namaste,

Steph

Oh The Lazy Days of Summer!

I have to say that the past few weeks have been great. The weather has taken a turn for the better. I've managed to spend time with the kids, as you can see from our boating pics, and I have had a great week relaxing and catching up with friends.

Last week, the boys were on vacation with their father on a boating trip up the Rideau Canal from beginning to end: Kingston to Ottawa. I have to admit to moments of melancholy, given that they were somewhere holidaying without me. But since guilt is an entirely useless emotion, I decided to stay busy and enjoy the time to recharge so that when we go away in a few days, I'm all there. While they were making memories, I settled for a week of relaxing and getting my life in order.

The week began with a Monday morning wall 'tear-down' in my office. My ample main floor office is now compact and every inch is being used efficiently in order to free up an 11x12 space for a bedroom. Once I finally decided to stay here, we needed to free up a spacious waiting area and spare room for more practical purposes, like my own bedroom! I'm a few years early for the down-sized house, but it's such a beautiful space, that I just couldn't leave it to go to mediocrity. In the past 6 mos, I have discovered that most of us live in homes that are too big anyhow. Here, there is one TV, one common room, one computer, and we all have to actually talk to each other, god forbid! Plus, we have to come to agreement and compromise where television viewing is concerned AND it's much easier to keep track of what they watch and when they watch it. There's enough room, because we're spread out over 3 floors now, to get away when we need space, but not so much room that you could miss seeing each other for hours, and actually be in the same home, which is what used to happen.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent 2 glorious days at a beautiful casa on the 1000 Islands. I have to find a way to get me one of those! Here's just a taste because the blackberry is only 2 pixels and there's no wide angle lens, so actually that view extended well beyond the field of this picture. I spent my two days in awe at the extreme beauty and peacefulness of it all. It was truly magical.
Tuesday was spent sprawled on the deck couches, sun bathing with a bikini on, well kinda on....no one was around, I couldn't help myself. Believe me, I paid for it. The arse was a little red for a few days, and really itchy for a few more!Even a dreary Wednesday couldn't deter my mood. Since tanning wasn't the order of the day, I wrote in my diary, and worked on a legal document that will be needed in the weeks ahead, and wrote a couple of long letters to friends, well of sorts....I'd hoped to keep in touch with the office via email but wasn't able to get it set up, so the blackberry had to do. But in the end, it was a blessing; instead of wasting time thinking I was doing something important, I read a book called The Wishing Year, and watched two movies: Indecent Proposal, with Demi Moore and Robert Redford (Jeezus that man is beautiful; she is too for that matter.) I found the movie a little disturbing in that I thought about it a lot afterwards. It struck a few chords with me; melodies that are too deep for a 'friend' update. Some time we can discuss them if you remember. The second night, I watched Under the Tuscan Sun. I'd seen it before, but the whole dream of saying 'to hell with it' and just fucking off to some dreamy place like Tuscany or the south of France was just too appealing, so I ventured overseas with her again. At 615am on Thursday, I took the water taxi back to the mainland, and after checking both properties and watering plants etc, I went on to Oakville to meet up with my best friend from high school, Jill, who had come from Atlanta to stay with her parents for a week with her 3 boys, 18mos, 4 and 6. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years, which is our longest stretch in 10 yrs or more. It was great to catch up and to meet Quinn and be reacquainted with Will and Lucas. Jody and her family were also there from Calgary, so it was a busy house. I spent a huge amount of time organizing digital pics that were here, there and everywhere. She showed me the most amazing albums that you can have printed off and give as gifts. It's my new Christmas idea because my parents are always complaining that they don't get pictures any more. It's also a great way for us to deal with the division of our family photos. We had a walk to the playground and to an ice cream store that had gelato. OMG! I nearly had an orgasm right then and there! (It's been a while folks, come on, it doesn't take much!) Stoney Creek so far has the title. They say it's better in Italy, and if so, I'm in BIG trouble when I get there!

On Saturday morning, I went over to Niagara-on- the -Lake to see a couple of plays at the Shaw Festival. Had lunch on the patio of a very nice restaurant, baking in the hot sun, but I loved every minute of it. It was Saturday of a long weekend, and when I left about 530, the traffic through TO was bearable and on the eastern side, it was unusually quiet on the 401. I had Bruce Springsteen and Neil Diamond cranked and was tapping the steering wheel whilst I danced in my seat. I thoroughly enjoyed not having to negotiate the music played or the volume! I'm, sure people that I passed, or who passed me, thought I was nuts. Oh well, I hope I made them laugh for a moment or two.

I'm beginning 2 weeks of 'somewhat' slowing down. Although I won't be at the office, I have a tonne of crap to work through, including, but not limited to, drafting a separation agreement!! Oh Joy! There's all kinds of doo going on with PSUC, so have to stay in touch. However, I will have a bathing suit on, a touch of sunscreen, and the beautiful Thousand Islands to look out on, whilst I dream about a less complicated and hurried life. Will I ever arrive or just keep committing myself to all these unpaid jobs, called volunteerism.

Reflections on the past three weeks

This evening, I am alone, the kids are with their father; choral music is playing in the background, I've had soup and a bagel for supper....that's why I keep losing weight. You don't cook for yourself like you do for a family and you only eat when you're hungry, not when someone else is hungry! It's much more healthy, really. Just wait, I have to listen to this piece...too beautiful to be distracted.....

I have noticed that I have only felt like writing over the years when I've been away, and almost always at night. There's something to this; I think it must be that your head goes somewhere when there's silence surrounding you. Sometimes the silence bothers me, but mostly it keeps me sane. Gives me a chance to think things through, make decisions, have clarity, I guess. Clarity, so you can write! I guess that's why I always came home from business and vacation trips having made some big decision: to hire, to fire, to move, to leave. I just never connected that it was possible here, in my own home, in my own city. Really, it's more about silence than getting away anywhere. Completely uninterrupted time to think things through....

Closing remarks on my trip to Ireland:

8 out of 10---the weather was a -1 and missing my family was another -1.

Dublin City was immaculate. Since being home, I have seen nothing like it here....been to Ottawa, Kingston and Toronto. The street sweepers were out every night, and in all my pics, I cannot find ANY litter. I recently watched a movie called Once that was set in Dublin. Same thing...clean, clean, clean.

I would like to go back to spend several days in Dingle and to see Belfast and the northern parts of the country. But, I have other places that I want to go first.

The chocolate bars that I bought with small bits of toffee in them were the best!! Hershey's just doesn't cut it!

The meat is out of this world; so fresh.

The weather REALLY sucked!

Pete had money problems!

I miss RTElyric FM.

I don't miss the arguing on the radio shows.

Time goes by very quickly, so much so that I feel my breath taken away sometimes. Three packed weeks have gone by and all I can think about is my next vacation. Dreaming about going on vacation keeps me motivated. Seriously! I have to find someone with money, who likes to travel, and has lots of flexibility in their work, so we can take off and see the world. Give me a postage sized yard, and a smaller house, and see ya later. I think I signed my last post off with something about my over-committed life....well, I can tell you that it won't be as over-committeed in January! It's someone else's turn to take the reigns in a few departments.

Yesterday, I went to a rowing seminar at the Kingston Rowing Club. I was motivated by a new friend to try it out again, after many years. To be blunt, it was a bloody disaster.....

Both 8-person crews ended up getting stranded on the lake. The first problem was the weeds, and then, as the minutes flew by, the wind became a huge issue! If I'd heard that coxswain say "balance" or "let it run" one more f-ing time, I was gonna smack him, and I was #8 in the crew, so I could have too! A 40-minute row turned into three hrs of futility! Even the coach boat's motor got all locked up in the weeds and broke down, so they had to try to row to shore, which they couldn't do either, so 2 huge rowing boats, and a small aluminum coach boat all were towed to land. It's a miracle that nobody ended up in the water and dead of hypothermia. It really could have been a very sad story to tell today. I should have been home at 1230, instead it was 430pm! My nose and ears were hot until midday today! (the sun, not because I stay mad that long) Thankfully, nothing terrible happened and the weather was gorgeous, to be sure. Today I have a sore butt and the muscles in my hands hurt too!!

I've spent quite a while editting things and writing today, so will sign off for now, and listen to some more music.

Blessings, Steph