On Turning 40

Yesterday was the big day! Remember when it seemed so old?! Although I'm healthy, I have to admit that I do look old, and I often feel old. I have all these creases around my eyes, grey hairs, even in my eyebrows, dints on my thighs and butt, my children jiggle the back of my upper arm (like I used to do to my mother), and when I work out for any prolonged period of time, one part of my body of the other inevitably hurts. What do we have to look forward to? Crooked fingers and a wattle!

As birthdays should be, it was a time for family and food: steak, salmon, cake, Guiness and wine. Flowers arrived anonymously, which was a real treat. I haven't spent a lot of time trying to figure out who it was; have decided just to enjoy the fact that I have an admirer out there somewhere. I sure could have used them last week as I moped around feeling sorry for myself. The smell in my office is so strong that I think I'm going to have to move them to the house, where the smell can permeate a much larger space.

As I write this, I am finally listening to an April 30th NPR interview with Gabriel Byrne where he so eloquently expresses himself on many topics, but mostly about his show, In Treatment, of which I am a huge fan. If I can figure out how to do so, I will copy a link in here so you can take 30mins and listen to them discuss the art of listening, the perils of celibacy and the ways in which the HBO series captures the hearts and minds of its audience. I'm hooked......mainly because I feel like some part of every character is a part of me. After two seasons of feeling an enormous affinity to the writing on In Treatment, I have come to understand that many people feel similarly. It can only be for one reason: we are all pretty much the same; life deals us many common experiences: love, pain, joy, grief, happiness, sadness, friendship, loneliness....we just have to figure out how best to deal with the cards we're given, and how we can make our time here on earth meaningful. At least, that's what I think I have to do. Here's the link to enlighten you:

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=105958154

Now I'm onto Joseph O'Neill's interview on his new novel, Netherland. One I will read this summer! As any good Canadian would, I have to comment on the great weather we've had, especially today. I was on the water, rowing in the 4-man crew by 540am on the flat, pristine, early morning water of the St-Lawrence River. The causeway's traffic gradually increases with our time on the water. Other rowers pass by, the ferry to Wolfe Island causes a wake that we are ever-mindful of, and the runners and cyclists share our enthusiasm for the unspoiled morning. By the time bloggers that row, sit down to write about their life that day, their backs and knees hurt, aching from the intense morning workout on their 40 year old bodies!!!

Reflections on the past three weeks

This evening, I am alone, the kids are with their father; choral music is playing in the background, I've had soup and a bagel for supper....that's why I keep losing weight. You don't cook for yourself like you do for a family and you only eat when you're hungry, not when someone else is hungry! It's much more healthy, really. Just wait, I have to listen to this piece...too beautiful to be distracted.....

I have noticed that I have only felt like writing over the years when I've been away, and almost always at night. There's something to this; I think it must be that your head goes somewhere when there's silence surrounding you. Sometimes the silence bothers me, but mostly it keeps me sane. Gives me a chance to think things through, make decisions, have clarity, I guess. Clarity, so you can write! I guess that's why I always came home from business and vacation trips having made some big decision: to hire, to fire, to move, to leave. I just never connected that it was possible here, in my own home, in my own city. Really, it's more about silence than getting away anywhere. Completely uninterrupted time to think things through....

Closing remarks on my trip to Ireland:

8 out of 10---the weather was a -1 and missing my family was another -1.

Dublin City was immaculate. Since being home, I have seen nothing like it here....been to Ottawa, Kingston and Toronto. The street sweepers were out every night, and in all my pics, I cannot find ANY litter. I recently watched a movie called Once that was set in Dublin. Same thing...clean, clean, clean.

I would like to go back to spend several days in Dingle and to see Belfast and the northern parts of the country. But, I have other places that I want to go first.

The chocolate bars that I bought with small bits of toffee in them were the best!! Hershey's just doesn't cut it!

The meat is out of this world; so fresh.

The weather REALLY sucked!

Pete had money problems!

I miss RTElyric FM.

I don't miss the arguing on the radio shows.

Time goes by very quickly, so much so that I feel my breath taken away sometimes. Three packed weeks have gone by and all I can think about is my next vacation. Dreaming about going on vacation keeps me motivated. Seriously! I have to find someone with money, who likes to travel, and has lots of flexibility in their work, so we can take off and see the world. Give me a postage sized yard, and a smaller house, and see ya later. I think I signed my last post off with something about my over-committed life....well, I can tell you that it won't be as over-committeed in January! It's someone else's turn to take the reigns in a few departments.

Yesterday, I went to a rowing seminar at the Kingston Rowing Club. I was motivated by a new friend to try it out again, after many years. To be blunt, it was a bloody disaster.....

Both 8-person crews ended up getting stranded on the lake. The first problem was the weeds, and then, as the minutes flew by, the wind became a huge issue! If I'd heard that coxswain say "balance" or "let it run" one more f-ing time, I was gonna smack him, and I was #8 in the crew, so I could have too! A 40-minute row turned into three hrs of futility! Even the coach boat's motor got all locked up in the weeds and broke down, so they had to try to row to shore, which they couldn't do either, so 2 huge rowing boats, and a small aluminum coach boat all were towed to land. It's a miracle that nobody ended up in the water and dead of hypothermia. It really could have been a very sad story to tell today. I should have been home at 1230, instead it was 430pm! My nose and ears were hot until midday today! (the sun, not because I stay mad that long) Thankfully, nothing terrible happened and the weather was gorgeous, to be sure. Today I have a sore butt and the muscles in my hands hurt too!!

I've spent quite a while editting things and writing today, so will sign off for now, and listen to some more music.

Blessings, Steph