Merry Christmas 2009 Happy Holidays
As most of you will know, this is a first! I can’t recall the last time I managed to get this note out BEFORE Christmas; before children perhaps? Regardless, maybe it’s the start of something new….but don’t count on it! I just have so many things that I want to make sure that I get done over the next two weeks, like having fun with the kids, going to movies, skating at Market Square, redecorating the office, writing a business plan, getting rid of the piles of paper…that I wanted to get this in while life at work has slowed.
Twice recently, I have heard criticism of these ‘newsletter’ type letters that some of us send over the holiday season. On the talk show, The View, Whoopi was criticizing them for their lack of personal touch, and a friend once said that they were ‘brag letters’ because no one ever tells you anything bad in them. Both fair criticisms however I would add four things to their cynical views: 1. It’s better than nothing at all, which is what you’d get if I had to write you each even a paragraph 2. It’s much more rewarding for me, as I only write things once, hopefully well, versus over and over dozens of times, in a scribbled hand writing 3. You get a few pictures and get to share in our life a little, in an era of poor communication among friends across the miles and 4. I get to reflect on the past year with gratitude for being alive and to tell you that if you get this letter, you are important to me in one way or another, for which I am also grateful.
Since I’ve thought for days about how I’d phrase the ‘bad’ news in our life this year, I might just as well tell those of you who do not know yet, that Scott and I separated this past winter. Given that this is never an easy transition for anyone involved, all of us have had many moments of sadness and loneliness over the past 10 months. It has been a huge transition, and we all seem to be on the downhill slope at this stage. We’ve never been “normal” in many ways, starting with the obvious, and as such, our lives apart have been unusually amicable, as we tread the winding road of being friends but not lovers, with the boys as our compass. Sadly perhaps, in being apart, we will learn the mutual respect that we had trouble rediscovering in marriage.
This Christmas, the four of us will be with my mother, as well as my best friend and her son, in the country, for a fairly non-traditional festive meal of cabbage rolls, perogies, baked beans and ham. My father will travel to Rhode Island to be with sister and family, who welcomed a new baby into their lives on December 16th. Matthew weighed 9 lbs and didn’t take long to enter this world! At some point, in a window of good weather through Syracuse, I will head down for the New Year, to visit with him and Rachel for a few days.
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As for holidays, we managed to get a few in together at the beginning of the year, firstly to Orlando via New York City (of which I spoke in last year’s note), and then skiing in Maine. In May, I was invited to travel to Ireland, to meet up with a friend who was adjudicating at the Cork International Choral Festival and spent my time there, as well as in a cottage in Waterville and in Dublin. The weather, outside of my time in Dublin, was miserable! The Irish don’t believe in heat the way we do in Canada, and much of the time, I had that ‘chilled to the bone’ feeling, regardless of whether I was outside or inside the cottage. Then there’s the driving! By the time I returned to Dublin, I’d eaten most of my stomach and was a bundle of nerves. Go, drive around the Ring of Kerry or across the Conor Pass, you’ll understand! On the bright side, the music in Cork was the sort that ‘blows your mind’. Although our children sing in one of the best choral music education programs in the country, I was astounded at the calibre of youth singing on the international stage. No matter what we do in life, there is always more to aspire towards. Dublin is a beautiful city, with a thriving Arts community, and talented musicians at every corner. And then there’s the people….if you’ve ever been, you will also understand. They’re like our Newfies, friendly beyond belief, hilarious and just so down-to-earth that they make you feel instantly comfortable in a bar or in a taxi or at the gallery.
By far, the most interesting part of the trip for me was the people. And in fact, not just the Irish people, but tourists as well. Over the months, I’ve reflected on the conversations and interactions that I had, in so many places, with much fondness. I have a few new Facebook friends from around the world, all of whom I have much in common with. I’ve also decided that they definitely have THE FRIENDLIEST cab drivers ever! I heard stories about their children, the Christian Brothers, a man who’s wife died of a brain aneurism and left him to raise the children, one just an infant, friends travelling to Canada to teach who got pregnant and are now living at home again, and the ever-popular topics of weather and politics. Wow, don’t get them started on politics! If you love classical music, tune into RTE lyricfm, if you want to hear lots of people arguing over the waves, tune into RTE Radio 1! At least that’s the way it was at Pete’s Café where we drank tea, ate scones, and shivered while surfing the net, chatting on messenger, and trying, in vain, to download our pictures!
Over the summer, Scott went camping and boating with the boys, from Kingston to Ottawa, on the newly anointed World Heritage Site, The Rideau Canal. They all connected with nature, and then the boys did a road trip with me to Mystic, Connecticut for a little getaway and a family reunion in Newport, Rhode Island during the Jazz Festival. Both are beautiful communities, but the boats in Newport will blow your mind, even if, like me normally, you couldn’t care less. Before the summer was over, we’d spent two weeks with a Spanish exchange student, and had lots of fun on the knee board.
In particular, this fall has gone by very quickly, in large part because I have been really busy between the boys, work, and travelling for business (Banff, Toronto, Ottawa) and volunteering. My commitment as Chair at church is mostly over. I found this role to be less than meaningful, to say the very least. It was an experience, and I will learn and grow from it; sometimes, when you are at the top, it can be very lonely. On the other hand, my commitment to Cantabile is always rewarding, so Hey, I won’t despair just yet. I will however, need someone…..or two or three…….to wrap my knuckles if I get myself overloaded like that again. Problem is that I can’t help myself: I already know what the next commitment is going to be, and Ben and I have begun to discuss a trip to Africa at Christmas next year to work in an orphanage and school, in a country where the life expectancy is 29 due to AIDS! With that one though, we go, we give our time, and we leave, forever changed. So on all fronts, it should be meaningful. (I suspect that next year, you’ll be getting the New Year letter again!)
The boys are both doing very well. Graham is in grade 8, and active in the Drama Club, as well as basketball, volleyball and soccer teams. He continues to sing in Scott’s choir weekly at church. Following on the heels of winning the Drama Award last June, for his personal project this year, he has decided to write, direct and star in his own play. This will take him the full academic year to accomplish and forms a very important part of the curriculum at his school. He will be taking the odd lesson from our friend Rob, at the Canadian Stage Company, and if he twists my arm just a little, we may have to go see a play in NYC again this year. (Oh ya, I snuck in two trips there this year too!)
Ben is in grade 10 and has graduated into the new Sound Man at KCVI. He gets to run the mics and play DJ at the semi-formals and coffee houses. After 11 years studying violin, he decided that guitar is his new love. We trust that the years of musical training will serve him well in his musical life. His artistic side has him excelling in graphic design and marketing courses, and putting up with math and history! After a highly successful winter last year, he plans to ski for the varsity team in January and row in the spring. Last spring, he had an amazing opportunity to work with the sound company that participated in the launch of The Tragically Hip’s new album in Cineplexes across the country, and with our man George Snufalufagus from CBCs The Hour! (Sorry, that’s just what I call him!)
Because this is a letter about being honest, and not just mentioning the good stuff: I could wring their necks some days! They get mouthy, fart, burp, swear, sneak laptops into their room to get on Facebook at bed times, have parties when you’re away, lie, roll their eyes at you and look at you like you’re Medusa, and have that ‘what the hell do you know anyhow’ or ‘you’re so lame’ look on their face. So things are pretty normal in our house, I figure! Some days can be pretty frustrating, no doubt. But I know, because I’m their mom, and I can see into their souls by way of their eyes, that they will be good citizens of the world, who will love their parents and be good parents themselves, who will appreciate all the wonderful opportunities that they’ve been given, and who will treat others with dignity and respect and will find what makes them happy. (At least, I’m pretty sure.)
All of us wish you and your clan the very best in 2010. May you seek meaning and purpose always, and ensure that you spend your days doing what you love to do, as long as it puts food on the table, clothes on your back and keeps the hearth warm and toasty!
Hugs and Namaste,
Steph
This a picture of one of the drywalled corners, which I sanded and remudded once since my brother-in-law Randy put the drywall up.
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