Who's in a name?

A new life is about to begin: mine.  I've decided to change my name and go back to my maiden name.  I never really wanted to change it in the first place but felt both a 'wasband' as well as societal pressure to do so.  It will never change again.  Yet, I still feel like I should hyphenate it, somehow go with both.  Is that crazy? How will anyone know who the hell Stephanie Lafond is?  No one I work with; no one I've slept with (that might be a good thing, depending on the side of the story you chose to believe), none of my friends, not even my children. (Come to think of it, that might also be a good thing.) Part of me feels like I've lost my identity, so as I now know to do, I will take it slow and ponder for a brief while before completely moving forward.  The other half of me is excited at the possibilities of reinventing myself with a new-again name. That side that wants the fresh start that began a few years ago, to move to the next logical step. A new me is revealed, sort of thing.

So much is wrapped up in a name though, isn't it? Especially a last name.  Take Trudeau.  How can you ever emerge from the weight of such a famous name?  Even if you aren't related but had that last name, wouldn't everyone you meet ask if you were related to Pierre?  Then there's Justin, that gorgeous (at least to me) man in his early 40s, whose hair I'd beg Sophie to let me run my hands through.  (What's with bald guys in my life?...other more important attributes, I guess...)  His father's foe will forever haunt him, even though Pierre and Justin are completely different people, individuals, whose primary outward link to one another is their last name.  Those foe who lived while his father Pierre, the 15th Prime Minister of Canada governed, primarily remember the debt that his government racked up for our nation or perhaps his handling of the October Crisis through the War Measures Act. (A relative to the Patriot Act, for those non-Canadians out there.)  However, what they should be focused on are the enormous, progressive, and undoubtedly radical but forward-thinking ideas and beliefs, that he would ultimately embed in our culture: bilingualism, keeping Quebec in Canada, the Charter of Rights, separation from Britain.  Many of the principles that guide our generation and those of our children, liberalization of divorce, abortion and homosexuality laws, are owed directly to him.  I, for one, am OK with climbing out of a sea of red ink, if it means that we are a progressive nation, hell bent on human rights, individual choice and keeping the "state out of the bedrooms of the nation".  For many, Pierre Trudeau in fact had no first name, that's how important his last name was to his identity.  I grew up with a mother who was very much a part of Trudeaumania, not Pierre Trudeaumania.  He was Trudeau; always has been. (Well, sometimes, when it was just us, she would call him Pee-hhierre, but even then, I could tell by how she batted her eyes, that it was but a serious crush.)

Now it seems, perhaps as his way of marking his own new ground, and claiming his own identity, Justin Trudeau often promotes himself with the simplicity of only his first name, Justin.  Understandably, he too wanted a fresh start, not to discount in any way the past, rather to recognize his individuality, his fresh ideas and ways of thinking.  A new Trudeau is revealed, sort of thing.

Wow, time sure does fly!

Skiing in Vermont.  Weather wasn't very good but the skiing and family time were terrific.
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Doing Christmas cards on teh beach in Cozumel.  Believe it or not, they were mailed approx Dec 15th and were received by family in USA mid-Feb and Canda about 2 weeks later!!!

Dinner out.


By the end, I had to cover up.  Not complaining at all but can only take so much sun.  Here, the weather was gorgeous!

In Septemeber 2010, I did a 30 day Yoga challenge at Samatva Studio.  I absolutely love it and and hoping to try other studios and be a convert for life.  It has enhanced my life like nothing other than my parents, and being a parent.

 

Graham played competitive volleyball both at school and on city league this year, so that kept us busy with weekend tournaments mostly in Toronto.  Mostly as a setter.

Summer 2010

It’s All Fun and Games

Dog Lake  The morning after.......

It has been so long since a blog post. I often sit and write posts for the blog and letters to people in my head when I am day dreaming, and especially while on holidays. Problem is, it can take months to make it onto blogger.com! Finally, on a gorgeous late summer morning, post Hurricane Earl downpour, I am once again inspired to give an update.

Graham and friend on the tube!

Graham the kneeboarder.

As I write this, I am in a small village called Battersea, about half an hour north of Kingston, ON. Dog Lake is connected to the Rideau Canal system, and I have rented a cottage for 5 days over the Labour Day weekend. The boys have various friends coming throughout the time, and the weather has been beautiful so far. The boat has had lots of use for tubing and kneeboarding; I get so much pleasure watching the kids have fun on that boat. On Thursday, I ventured out to try kneeboarding: I got up the first time, and then after a very successful run, got cocky on the second, and decided to jump a wave….. like the boys do….wipeout! It’s now two days later and I am paying for my stupidity. Neck is stiff and back is aching. It’s so hard to admit that you aren’t a teenager anymore isn’t it? So Franky and I are cuddled up on the couch, covered in a blanket on this early Saturday morn, while the four teenagers present, sleep.

Let’s go back 2 months. Father’s Day weekend began what would be a crazy month for me. For 18 months, there have been many scenarios of where to live. In mere days, the universe set my course, and finally laid out what feels like the right plan. I moved from one of my rental properties to another, after long-time tenants vacated, and my apartment rented in 48 hours. This home is much better for us, and the layout will permit a lifestyle that I was missing; that of having all of us on one floor as well as a place to entertain guests, both inside and out. It’s amazing how much you can miss a yard/courtyard when you don’t have one. A large deck is being built that will provide space for coffee and paper in the morning, or room for a summer party, which is already planned for later this month. As I feel evermore settled in my new home, I am reminded again that we don’t need the big house, fancy car and every new electronic toy to be happy. (I think I do need to travel though, and books and friends….)

Amsterdam

Mark, Steph and Scott on North Sea in Niewpoort, Belgium

At the height of my exhaustion from a quick turnaround of homes (one week from start to finish), good friends stopped by in mid-July to invite me on a boat trip in Europe (gotta love THOSE kinda friends, eh!?). Ten days later, I was in Amsterdam, a beautiful city of canals and cafes, bicycles and 20 year olds (we know what they were there for…). Alone for a few days, I explored the shops, the Canal Bus system, the Concertgebouw and the odd café. My one regret: gorgeous leather shoes for 175E, the likes of which I never did see again.

That was followed by 4 days in Baarle, then a week on Le Boat, where we toured Ypres, Brugge and Nieewporte. This trip was a perk in exchange for writing an article for Canadian Yachting Magazine, which will appear sometime next year. ( I didn’t write it, but Scott will be.)

Ypres Commonwealth Cemetary

Aunt Stephanie and Rachel

After those two weeks, I returned home to the Civic long weekend, where I met up with the Sole gang at our annual family reunion. We stayed at the gorgeous Rawley Resort on Georgian Bay. They were all even happier to see me, when I pulled out the big box of Belgian truffles. With great gusto, Grandpa, Jim and Kevin went off to the nearby LCBO to get the best bottle of scotch. Apparently, the chocolate was just not the same without the scotch! (YUCK!) This is the first year that EVERYONE was there is a very long time. There also, not to be outdone by teenagers or a 50 yr old, I jumped off a 20 foot high boat!

Summer is a very quiet time for me at work, so rather than fight it, I decided long ago to just ‘go with the flow’. It makes for lots of opportunities to get caught up at home, with the kids, and with visiting. It also gives lots of time for both long vacations and a day here and there to enjoy the beach or go to a museum, eat out on patios or have a beer with a friend.

It’s also a time to watch your children grow up in front of your eyes: Graham is 5’9”, an inch taller than Ben now, and both much taller than me. They are both in high school this year, each excited and scared for the change in schools. Graham attended the Stratford Shakespeare School this summer. Together, we saw Christopher Plummer show us, once again, why he is one of the best, in Shakespeare’s The Tempest. Ben worked full-time, learning many things; the value of money, how to save for post-secondary and a MAC computer, how to use a nail gun and especially about why we need an education and to find something we love to do in life; hopefully by combining the two. He had two weeks off (this week being one of them), so we enjoyed a couple of days of golfing with Poppa and exploring colleges, and now the cottage.

Ben and a friend

This fall, I have plans to be in Toronto to see the Dalai Lama and am off to Halifax to visit my best friend for a long weekend. Unfortunately a conference in Arizona waspostponed for November, so maybe I can fit in NYC again? Who knows what the future will bring. For me, this quote that I read today on Twitter is powerful, and so true of many people I know: Fears keep you from change. Fear of failure, self-doubt, anxiety. Take a deep breath and stand up to them.—Hanns Oskar-Porr

Books I’ve read: The Neighbour, Loving Frank, Best Love Rosie.

Movies I’ve seen: Nothing too intellectual here.....The Expendables (Stallone still hot at 64!), Eat Pray Love, Toy Story 3D, Amelia (well then there’s Richard Gere…better not comment on him…might embarrass myself), Primal Fear, Henry V.

One of many bridges in Amsterdam near where I was staying.

All the best.  May try to do a small book review next....

My Friend Dave

Friend? Can I call him that? Really?

As I walked to church, bundled in my leather coat, neck swathed in my cashmere "Irelandseye" scarf, from a recent trip to that inspiring nation, I came across Dave. He was standing in front of MacDonald's, looking cold, with his hands tucked into his dirty coat pockets, as they often are when he is standing along Princess or Montreal Street.

"Hi! How are you?"

"Good", I responded.

'Good'; that's my usual response, always said with a smile. (Dave and I are neighbours of sorts.) Normally, I immediately regret having quickly walked by and not asked him the same. This day, perhaps because it was Sunday, I don't know, I turned, and said:

"How are you?"

"Good!” he said enthusiastically.

I wondered how he could possibly be good, as I continued past a spa, Tim Horton's and the Asian Grocery Store. I was just left thinking: if he's good, then I need to snap out of it and stop thinking about all the things in my life that are not perfect, or that keep me up at night. As I walked on, feeling smug for having engaged in a rare two-way conversation-of-sorts with Dave, I began the motion of crossing to the other side of the street, just in time to walk past several homeless men, who by 10am, have to be out of the Harbour Lights Shelter where they've just slept in a warm bed. What did I do? Imperceptibly, I hope, I jerked my body back to the north side of the road, so that I wouldn't have to walk past them. (I always feel so conflicted in these situations.) Instantly, I felt ashamed, knowing that my simple 'how are you' back at Dave, a few moments before, had brought a wide smile to his face. Within minutes, having arrived, I looked up, and the sign at the road in front of my place of worship, on this Sunday, said: "The best vitamin for a friend is to B1."

Somehow, in that moment, it felt like a scolding.

Winter fun!

A January trip to New York City meant meeting a few friends, some online connections, some not...To the right is Bettina.  We'd had lunch at The Spotted Pig in Greenwich Village, where this picture was taken....a massive burger that neither of us could finish.  Bettina graciously took Monday off to visit, after a weekend of skiing in Vermont with the New York Swiss Ski Club. We tried to make a ski weekend work for both of us but we could never quite get in sync. Next year!  After a long walk through the Meatpacking District and along the new High Line Park she patiently waited for me while I sorted out my return ticket fiasco.  Thanks again girl, and I hope all visa issues are soon sorted out; Dumbo just wouldn't be the same without you

Although, I didn't get a pic with her, I met up with Heather from the Break-Up Cookbook.  We had coffee at Tazza on Henry St, in Brooklyn Heights, and did what women do the first time they meet: shared the pain of lost love! I came home and cooked my favourite Thai meatballs, picture and all, and have yet to submit it to her site because the sauce in the pic is a pukey orange colour.  See.....

The other major cool event of the weekend, where people are concerned involved a double date, set up by Mr Claude.  He and his wife Martha, introduced me to Rex.  I won't bore you with all the gory details, suffice it to say that once again the food and company were wonderful!  Rex is a regular at a place called the Noodle Pudding and they treated us like royalty.  We waddled out of there and over to Jack the Horse Tavern for a drink and great conversation.

Throughout the weekend, I went to see Placido Domingo in Verdi's Simon Boccanegra at The Metropolitan Opera.....wow, just wow....that's as deep as I can get.  Saw an Off-Broadway production of Our Town 3.5/5 and Earnest in Love 5/5, ate or had a drink at One if by Land, Two if by Sea, Cafe Loup, and bought more used books on Atlantic Ave.  The rest of my time was spent walking across the Brooklyn Bridge between Dumbo and Greenwich, and pretending like I lived there!

Before and after NYC, were visits to Rhode Island to see my sister and her family.  Rachel and I got to have fries at McDonald's, go to Chuck E Cheese and I was asked to be Matthew's Godmother. We had great chats and it was nice to spend time with my sis and her babies!

Early in March, Cantabile Choirs had the privilege of hosting, Mr Bob Chilcott for our 2010 concert series. After a beer at The Pilot House, it was decided that I should indulge Bob's appetite the next day, for sushi. So we did just that, and I had the pleasure of getting to know Bob, and of hearing his many experiences conducting choirs around the world, primarily with youth singers. The boys also got to spend time with him, and to get to know him on a level that cannot happen during rehearsals. It was indeed a special honour for all of us, and I hope, the beginning of a lifelong friendship.

During the March Break this year, we went skiing in Mont Tremblant.  Good time was had by all!  It was great weather 5-11C the highs every day, and morning skiing was awesome.  You will see from the picture that Ben broke his clavicle on his first day out.  As I visited the medical centre and drove by Quintessence, it was hard not to remember the tragic accident of Natasha Richardson there one year ago. 

Passages from a book to share with you

These are passages that I read in a book called, Shifting Sands by Steve Donoghue. Interwoven into the book is his story about crossing the desert as a young man, and rather than use the usual comparison with climbing mountains, he compares life's experiences to those of crossing a desert. Very interesting. Some of the passages would make more sense if you'd read what came before, but you will get the just and I recommend his book for something different, yet of value, in the self-help dept. Of course, I was thinking of myself, and where I'm at in my life when I chose to highlight these, however, you may find something that touches you wherever you are at, at this moment in your journey.

All the best, your nomad, Steph

Acceptance, even direction can emerge from within if we can just be with ourselves for a while.

The right kind of support helps us be alone. A terminal patient can face the aloneness of death with a friend or even a stranger such as a hospice volunteer by her side.


Often, in the desert of marriage, we lose ourselves in the other and forget who we are.



When we step away from our campfire, things happen that we can't predict or control. That's one of the reasons why we stay in painful situations; at least they're predictable. They're less frightening than the darkness of the desert. We stay in jobs that are boring or stressful. We endure unhappy relationships. We cling to the familiarity of old beliefs and attitudes that we're ready to outgrow. One belief that keeps us close to the campfire is that we need to be prepared for any experience away from the fire. We want to take our flashlight and hunting knife along.

Ducking is a desert technique (from sand storms). Sometimes the ducking we do is around our campfire. The sparks are flying, but we put on our safety goggles and huddle even closer to the familiar pain. Our health is failing, but we ignore the warning signs. Our relationship is loveless, but we don't try to change anything. This type of ducking is called DENIAL. It keeps us close to our campfire when we really should be stepping away. The trick is to know when to duck. The essential question to ask yourself is this: Does ducking this blow allow me to go deeper into my desert or does it stop the journey?


Her misplaced guilt was a classic example of a false border. She had a false belief that blocked her from living the life she desperately wanted. Sherrie could not look her border guard in the eye. She was terrified. She once admitted that the shame of leaving her parents would be worse than dying. And yet, she was dying by staying.

When we consciously cross a desert, we become nomads. Not only do we know how to cross our specific desert, but we've also acquired a deeper understanding of life itself. Pause and reflect on what you've learned. Just as you may have needed a nomad's support, now others can benefit from your hard-won experience and wisdom. Take the time to integrate your experience, weave it into your life, and share it.

Finally, when a desert ends, we need to question the compass heading we've been following and determine if it's still relevant to our lives. If we do not notice that the desert has ended, we risk following a compass heading merely because it's habitual and not because the direction has meaning.

Not only ARE HOT SHOWERS RELAXING, BUT THEY ARE ALSO CLEANSING. That CLEANSING IS IMPORTANT AFTER WE HAVE CROSSED THE DESERT OF GRIEVING FOR A LOVED ONE. If WE DON'T NOTICE WHEN OUR HOT SHOWER HAS ARRIVED, WE MAY BECOME IDENTIFIED WITH OUR GRIEF, AND IT CAN BECOME A PERMANENT PART OF WHO WE ARE. A hot shower helps us to clean away the residue of our sadness and move beyond the desert

Now I'm a painter and decorator!

Over the Christmas holidays, I have set about finishing the summer renovations in my office that began at the end of July.  Yes, that's what I said, the end of July, when a wall was taken down!  (Hey, when you're getting things done for free and doing them yourself, that's the way it is.),  I cancelled my trip to Rhode Island because I couldn't face another day living with the mess and chaos of what had become my daily surroundings. (I'm going in a few weeks.)  It was presentable for clients; some would say that it looked like a busy, professional office.  Problem was, I knew that behind my desk and around my feet were boxes of files that I refused to put away until I'd found the time to dig through them properly.  Shredder here I come!  (BTW, does it get better than Neil Young's Harvest Moon album?!  That and red wine should have me up half the night again!)

It's been 2 and a half years since purchasing this building and I still hadn't found a proper mirror for the office bathroom, and had procrastinated on wallpapering and adding the final touches.  I've promised myself many things these past months, and among them was that I would head into work on January 4th, 2010 with, at least, a clean slate where my daily surroundings were concerned; I desperately needed to adjust my Qi (pronounced Chee); my space needed aligning in every sense of the word.

This a picture of one of the drywalled corners, which I sanded and remudded once since my brother-in-law Randy put the drywall up.

To the left, along the door, was the major mudding spot.  Between the door frame and the light switch, all along the doorway, was a hole caused by installing a new jam, and hanging the door, which Randy did to perfection. It was too small for a piece of drywall, so we used meshing and plastered on top of it.  This required at least 5 sessions of plaster or mud, followed by sanding.  Every time you do this, your room is destroyed with a fine mist of white powder.  It's just not something that you can do on any day, because you have to have time to clean again before clients come in!

Unfortunately, I downloaded a program called Double Twist to use with my Blackberry, and it has screwed up my photos.  I am really peeved about this because I had some great shots to post.  Hopefully, in the days to come, I will somehow be able to retrieve them from that damn program and put them back into other photo folders.  Here is what I can get as of Jan 1:

version 1

v2

        version 3

Back wall:

version 1

v2

version 3

Ah...... and here is the bathroom final shot because that's all I can retrieve!

It's amazing what you can do when you put your mind to it!!  Hopefully I can post the one of me sandwiched between the wall and toilet!  At the very least, it'll be good for a laugh.  (Now, Bon Jovi's Make a Memory is playing;  I did, I did make a memory, John.)  BTW, the mirror was a gift of love from my step-dad for Christmas.  It hides an ugly fuse box.  Now, mom, I have a 'professional' bathroom...thank you for the measuring!

Merry Christmas 2009 Happy Holidays

As most of you will know, this is a first! I can’t recall the last time I managed to get this note out BEFORE Christmas; before children perhaps? Regardless, maybe it’s the start of something new….but don’t count on it! I just have so many things that I want to make sure that I get done over the next two weeks, like having fun with the kids, going to movies, skating at Market Square, redecorating the office, writing a business plan, getting rid of the piles of paper…that I wanted to get this in while life at work has slowed.

Twice recently, I have heard criticism of these ‘newsletter’ type letters that some of us send over the holiday season. On the talk show, The View, Whoopi was criticizing them for their lack of personal touch, and a friend once said that they were ‘brag letters’ because no one ever tells you anything bad in them. Both fair criticisms however I would add four things to their cynical views: 1. It’s better than nothing at all, which is what you’d get if I had to write you each even a paragraph 2. It’s much more rewarding for me, as I only write things once, hopefully well, versus over and over dozens of times, in a scribbled hand writing 3. You get a few pictures and get to share in our life a little, in an era of poor communication among friends across the miles and 4. I get to reflect on the past year with gratitude for being alive and to tell you that if you get this letter, you are important to me in one way or another, for which I am also grateful.

Since I’ve thought for days about how I’d phrase the ‘bad’ news in our life this year, I might just as well tell those of you who do not know yet, that Scott and I separated this past winter. Given that this is never an easy transition for anyone involved, all of us have had many moments of sadness and loneliness over the past 10 months. It has been a huge transition, and we all seem to be on the downhill slope at this stage. We’ve never been “normal” in many ways, starting with the obvious, and as such, our lives apart have been unusually amicable, as we tread the winding road of being friends but not lovers, with the boys as our compass. Sadly perhaps, in being apart, we will learn the mutual respect that we had trouble rediscovering in marriage.

This Christmas, the four of us will be with my mother, as well as my best friend and her son, in the country, for a fairly non-traditional festive meal of cabbage rolls, perogies, baked beans and ham. My father will travel to Rhode Island to be with sister and family, who welcomed a new baby into their lives on December 16th. Matthew weighed 9 lbs and didn’t take long to enter this world! At some point, in a window of good weather through Syracuse, I will head down for the New Year, to visit with him and Rachel for a few days.
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As for holidays, we managed to get a few in together at the beginning of the year, firstly to Orlando via New York City (of which I spoke in last year’s note), and then skiing in Maine. In May, I was invited to travel to Ireland, to meet up with a friend who was adjudicating at the Cork International Choral Festival and spent my time there, as well as in a cottage in Waterville and in Dublin. The weather, outside of my time in Dublin, was miserable! The Irish don’t believe in heat the way we do in Canada, and much of the time, I had that ‘chilled to the bone’ feeling, regardless of whether I was outside or inside the cottage. Then there’s the driving! By the time I returned to Dublin, I’d eaten most of my stomach and was a bundle of nerves. Go, drive around the Ring of Kerry or across the Conor Pass, you’ll understand! On the bright side, the music in Cork was the sort that ‘blows your mind’. Although our children sing in one of the best choral music education programs in the country, I was astounded at the calibre of youth singing on the international stage. No matter what we do in life, there is always more to aspire towards. Dublin is a beautiful city, with a thriving Arts community, and talented musicians at every corner. And then there’s the people….if you’ve ever been, you will also understand. They’re like our Newfies, friendly beyond belief, hilarious and just so down-to-earth that they make you feel instantly comfortable in a bar or in a taxi or at the gallery.

By far, the most interesting part of the trip for me was the people. And in fact, not just the Irish people, but tourists as well. Over the months, I’ve reflected on the conversations and interactions that I had, in so many places, with much fondness. I have a few new Facebook friends from around the world, all of whom I have much in common with. I’ve also decided that they definitely have THE FRIENDLIEST cab drivers ever! I heard stories about their children, the Christian Brothers, a man who’s wife died of a brain aneurism and left him to raise the children, one just an infant, friends travelling to Canada to teach who got pregnant and are now living at home again, and the ever-popular topics of weather and politics. Wow, don’t get them started on politics! If you love classical music, tune into RTE lyricfm, if you want to hear lots of people arguing over the waves, tune into RTE Radio 1! At least that’s the way it was at Pete’s Café where we drank tea, ate scones, and shivered while surfing the net, chatting on messenger, and trying, in vain, to download our pictures!

Over the summer, Scott went camping and boating with the boys, from Kingston to Ottawa, on the newly anointed World Heritage Site, The Rideau Canal. They all connected with nature, and then the boys did a road trip with me to Mystic, Connecticut for a little getaway and a family reunion in Newport, Rhode Island during the Jazz Festival. Both are beautiful communities, but the boats in Newport will blow your mind, even if, like me normally, you couldn’t care less. Before the summer was over, we’d spent two weeks with a Spanish exchange student, and had lots of fun on the knee board.

In particular, this fall has gone by very quickly, in large part because I have been really busy between the boys, work, and travelling for business (Banff, Toronto, Ottawa) and volunteering. My commitment as Chair at church is mostly over. I found this role to be less than meaningful, to say the very least. It was an experience, and I will learn and grow from it; sometimes, when you are at the top, it can be very lonely. On the other hand, my commitment to Cantabile is always rewarding, so Hey, I won’t despair just yet. I will however, need someone…..or two or three…….to wrap my knuckles if I get myself overloaded like that again. Problem is that I can’t help myself: I already know what the next commitment is going to be, and Ben and I have begun to discuss a trip to Africa at Christmas next year to work in an orphanage and school, in a country where the life expectancy is 29 due to AIDS! With that one though, we go, we give our time, and we leave, forever changed. So on all fronts, it should be meaningful. (I suspect that next year, you’ll be getting the New Year letter again!)

The boys are both doing very well. Graham is in grade 8, and active in the Drama Club, as well as basketball, volleyball and soccer teams. He continues to sing in Scott’s choir weekly at church. Following on the heels of winning the Drama Award last June, for his personal project this year, he has decided to write, direct and star in his own play. This will take him the full academic year to accomplish and forms a very important part of the curriculum at his school. He will be taking the odd lesson from our friend Rob, at the Canadian Stage Company, and if he twists my arm just a little, we may have to go see a play in NYC again this year. (Oh ya, I snuck in two trips there this year too!)

Ben is in grade 10 and has graduated into the new Sound Man at KCVI. He gets to run the mics and play DJ at the semi-formals and coffee houses. After 11 years studying violin, he decided that guitar is his new love. We trust that the years of musical training will serve him well in his musical life. His artistic side has him excelling in graphic design and marketing courses, and putting up with math and history! After a highly successful winter last year, he plans to ski for the varsity team in January and row in the spring. Last spring, he had an amazing opportunity to work with the sound company that participated in the launch of The Tragically Hip’s new album in Cineplexes across the country, and with our man George Snufalufagus from CBCs The Hour! (Sorry, that’s just what I call him!)

Because this is a letter about being honest, and not just mentioning the good stuff: I could wring their necks some days! They get mouthy, fart, burp, swear, sneak laptops into their room to get on Facebook at bed times, have parties when you’re away, lie, roll their eyes at you and look at you like you’re Medusa, and have that ‘what the hell do you know anyhow’ or ‘you’re so lame’ look on their face. So things are pretty normal in our house, I figure! Some days can be pretty frustrating, no doubt. But I know, because I’m their mom, and I can see into their souls by way of their eyes, that they will be good citizens of the world, who will love their parents and be good parents themselves, who will appreciate all the wonderful opportunities that they’ve been given, and who will treat others with dignity and respect and will find what makes them happy. (At least, I’m pretty sure.)

All of us wish you and your clan the very best in 2010. May you seek meaning and purpose always, and ensure that you spend your days doing what you love to do, as long as it puts food on the table, clothes on your back and keeps the hearth warm and toasty!

Hugs and Namaste,

Steph

13 December 2009
"It's the most wonderful time of the year..."

That song has been playing in my head for many days now. I just can't get it out!!! All the snow from Wednesday is just about gone and what it left is all dirty. I will post my Christmas letter here shortly, once I'm done, but I wanted to get a recent picture of the boys to you.

Getting up early to go for a walk in my new Reebok Goretex shoes!

Hugs, Steph

Chamber of Commerce-Rogers Breast Cancer Research Golf Day

This pic was taken on Thursday, September 15th, 2009 at the Colonnade Golf and Country Club. left to right is Tracey from Empire, Colleen from WIlkinson, myself, and Julie from Wilkinson Accounting Firm.

What a great event sponsored by Kingston's Chamber and Rogers. No stone was left unturned and the food was amazing. You can imagine the din and laughter of 200 women in a room, but what you could not have imagined was the din and laughter, among other things, of 200 women spread over an 18-hole golf course. Normally golf courses are so prim and staunchy, but this one was full of FUN. We were among the few foursomes who had not dressed up either in pink or in full costume regalia.

A great day indeed, if a little chilly, and for a great cause.

Coasting into September

I’ve decided to be a brunette for a while: whatdya think?

Labour Day weekend here in Canada…and oh, what a lovely one it is. How could you ask for better weather than this: 23-26C, not a cloud in the sky, and a slight breeze.

The students are back in town!! I live on a busy street and I would guess that about 200 students walked by today, some are frosh on their escapades, others are just moving in today. Parents try in vain to park as well as get in and out of driveways on a busy street, many people stop to ask where the LCBO and grocery store are located. There’s a bustle in the air that hasn’t been here since this time last year. My new tenant has moved in now, and set the alarm off twice cooking toast, so she is going to run the fan on the stove when she uses the toaster. Because it’s hard-wired into the alarm system and offers carbon monoxide detection, we cannot disable it. She is here doing a Master’s in Science but that’s all I really know. We met today for the first time because my assistant signed the lease with her when I was in Ireland in May, so we’d only ever gone back and forth by email and texting.

Franklin, the pup is lying beside me as a chicken is roasting in the oven for dinner. It’s just Ben and I for dinner. Graham is up at the Malcolm’s cottage until tomorrow evening, having fun with his buds and fishing til his heart’s content! He is finding our transition difficult. The prospects of having to move away from his friends and leave his home and all the changes have now sunk in; it’s making life a bit sad for him right now. He let it all out on Friday, which is how I know all of this. I said many things but will share that I told him we have to hug each other every day!

Ben has worked around the two properties downtown as part of working off his debt to me. Last weekend, he organized a band concert that was not well attended. He didn’t break even, so his mom bailed him out for the amount he owed the sound equipment folks, and now he is working off his debt. Hopefully, he learned a lesson about timing of the event and who his target audience is for future events.

Shelley and I are off to NYC on Friday morning for a four day getaway to celebrate my birthday. Not much is planned but we are getting together on Tuesday evening to get a few things finalized and a reservation or two booked in for nice places to eat. I will take some time after this post to do theatre research. I have had a few recommendations from colleagues, and we are both trying to be fiscally responsible since they are looking to move and I have to adjust my travelling habits. Hopefully, I will find time in a Brooklyn Heights café, near where we are staying, to write a note or two while I’m there and post it for you.

Hugs, Steph

Travelling With Teens

Red eyes, wet cheeks, quivering lips, slumped shoulders enter the vehicle. “Aren’t you going to give him heck, he nearly broke my arm!” Silence. “You always take his side you NEVER get him in trouble!” And from the back seat: “You’d better tell that kid to shut his mouth or I’m going to lose it on him!” Oh, testosterone- laden, savage boys; someone please come and help me!!!!! They argue and fight constantly and I’m losing my mind!!!

We’re at the Marriott in Mystic, Connecticut, please come and get me......

We’ve had a good start to our summer holidays...I think..... Although at the moment, I’m really not sure. The key to coping with teenagers is the same as with toddlers: sleep, and lots of it! Don’t let them get over tired. So it’s 10pm on Thursday night, Ben is on the couch and Graham is on the bed, both forbidden to have the televisions on, ordered to get to sleep. I gave them fair warning about 7pm: “It’s going to be an early night, cause you two are completely exhausted!” I am doing my best to keep the key strokes quiet....”but you have to go to bed now too!” “No, I don’t. The room is my birthday present and I’m the parent!”

Shhh......wait a sec......I hear quiet.............Gra has stopped moving......can it be?............oh good lord, there is a god! .............shit, he just rolled over........

Why is it that I’m always the referee, the one who’s “boring” and “no fun”, “cheap” and “crabby”? “You make me crabby!” (I know, I’m responsible for my own reactions, no one makes you do anything.) If you tell them that they are so spoiled, they really have no idea, they look at you like you’re Medusa and say: “I am so not spoiled. I can show you lots more kids at my school that are SPOILED. We are not SPOILED!” (He goes to a private school; need I say more?)

Just about everyone in the family has been to Mystic, so I decided that it would be a cool place to hang out for a day or two with them this summer. We went to the aquarium and to the Seaport. The highlights for me were the Beluga whales, and the restoration of a whaling ship, the Charles W. Morgan. After dinner, we checked in, had a swim and watched tv.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day......It’s quiet in here; not a creature is stirring....not even a mouse.....

Oh The Lazy Days of Summer!

I have to say that the past few weeks have been great. The weather has taken a turn for the better. I've managed to spend time with the kids, as you can see from our boating pics, and I have had a great week relaxing and catching up with friends.

Last week, the boys were on vacation with their father on a boating trip up the Rideau Canal from beginning to end: Kingston to Ottawa. I have to admit to moments of melancholy, given that they were somewhere holidaying without me. But since guilt is an entirely useless emotion, I decided to stay busy and enjoy the time to recharge so that when we go away in a few days, I'm all there. While they were making memories, I settled for a week of relaxing and getting my life in order.

The week began with a Monday morning wall 'tear-down' in my office. My ample main floor office is now compact and every inch is being used efficiently in order to free up an 11x12 space for a bedroom. Once I finally decided to stay here, we needed to free up a spacious waiting area and spare room for more practical purposes, like my own bedroom! I'm a few years early for the down-sized house, but it's such a beautiful space, that I just couldn't leave it to go to mediocrity. In the past 6 mos, I have discovered that most of us live in homes that are too big anyhow. Here, there is one TV, one common room, one computer, and we all have to actually talk to each other, god forbid! Plus, we have to come to agreement and compromise where television viewing is concerned AND it's much easier to keep track of what they watch and when they watch it. There's enough room, because we're spread out over 3 floors now, to get away when we need space, but not so much room that you could miss seeing each other for hours, and actually be in the same home, which is what used to happen.

Tuesday and Wednesday, I spent 2 glorious days at a beautiful casa on the 1000 Islands. I have to find a way to get me one of those! Here's just a taste because the blackberry is only 2 pixels and there's no wide angle lens, so actually that view extended well beyond the field of this picture. I spent my two days in awe at the extreme beauty and peacefulness of it all. It was truly magical.
Tuesday was spent sprawled on the deck couches, sun bathing with a bikini on, well kinda on....no one was around, I couldn't help myself. Believe me, I paid for it. The arse was a little red for a few days, and really itchy for a few more!Even a dreary Wednesday couldn't deter my mood. Since tanning wasn't the order of the day, I wrote in my diary, and worked on a legal document that will be needed in the weeks ahead, and wrote a couple of long letters to friends, well of sorts....I'd hoped to keep in touch with the office via email but wasn't able to get it set up, so the blackberry had to do. But in the end, it was a blessing; instead of wasting time thinking I was doing something important, I read a book called The Wishing Year, and watched two movies: Indecent Proposal, with Demi Moore and Robert Redford (Jeezus that man is beautiful; she is too for that matter.) I found the movie a little disturbing in that I thought about it a lot afterwards. It struck a few chords with me; melodies that are too deep for a 'friend' update. Some time we can discuss them if you remember. The second night, I watched Under the Tuscan Sun. I'd seen it before, but the whole dream of saying 'to hell with it' and just fucking off to some dreamy place like Tuscany or the south of France was just too appealing, so I ventured overseas with her again. At 615am on Thursday, I took the water taxi back to the mainland, and after checking both properties and watering plants etc, I went on to Oakville to meet up with my best friend from high school, Jill, who had come from Atlanta to stay with her parents for a week with her 3 boys, 18mos, 4 and 6. We hadn't seen each other for 2 years, which is our longest stretch in 10 yrs or more. It was great to catch up and to meet Quinn and be reacquainted with Will and Lucas. Jody and her family were also there from Calgary, so it was a busy house. I spent a huge amount of time organizing digital pics that were here, there and everywhere. She showed me the most amazing albums that you can have printed off and give as gifts. It's my new Christmas idea because my parents are always complaining that they don't get pictures any more. It's also a great way for us to deal with the division of our family photos. We had a walk to the playground and to an ice cream store that had gelato. OMG! I nearly had an orgasm right then and there! (It's been a while folks, come on, it doesn't take much!) Stoney Creek so far has the title. They say it's better in Italy, and if so, I'm in BIG trouble when I get there!

On Saturday morning, I went over to Niagara-on- the -Lake to see a couple of plays at the Shaw Festival. Had lunch on the patio of a very nice restaurant, baking in the hot sun, but I loved every minute of it. It was Saturday of a long weekend, and when I left about 530, the traffic through TO was bearable and on the eastern side, it was unusually quiet on the 401. I had Bruce Springsteen and Neil Diamond cranked and was tapping the steering wheel whilst I danced in my seat. I thoroughly enjoyed not having to negotiate the music played or the volume! I'm, sure people that I passed, or who passed me, thought I was nuts. Oh well, I hope I made them laugh for a moment or two.